Time to Say Goodbye

A few weeks ago my twenty- two year old dog had to be put down.  Her name was Mimi and she was a part of my life since she was eight weeks old. During her younger years with me I was kept very busy with work and raising a family, but always managed to get in a few good walks, and give some loving at the end of the day. Over the years she has seen me through some many difficult times helping quell my pain with her sweet presence. After I was divorced I moved many times, and with each move she made it feel like home immediately just by her being by my side. Mimi comforted when I lost both of my parents in a few months time after months of illness. She just knew when I needed to be kissed and to be still and hold on to her soft little body.  

In the past few years that I had been retired she and I spent every day together. Eating, doing errands, sleeping and taking small vacations by the ocean and in the mountains.  This past year her health started to rapidly decline  especially in the last few months.  She developed vestibular disorder which is equivalent to having vertigo. The most glaring symptom is walking in circles and the inability to recover from a fall.  Leaving her alone for any length of time was not an option so when Mimi was not out an about with my fiancé or me, we would willing take turns staying home.  This disorder affected her ability to eat on her own resulting in the need for us to feed her by hand.  Providing her care had filled me with a new purpose,  When she looked at me with peaceful half blind eyes that could hardly see she knew I was close.

One day after a very restless night and a morning walk I knew it was time to let her go. Her legs could no longer hold her up, and when I fed her she looked at me and conveyed the message that she was ready.  I knew the time was coming, but just couldn't let go because I couldn't imagine my life without her and loving her.

After the decision my fiancé and I took her  to the vet and we said our good-byes.  We were blessed to have a very comforting and sensitive vet who made the procedure the least painful as possible. Leaving the office with her leash and blanket and no Mimi was more difficult than I had imagined.  I cried for many days and everywhere I looked there was a memory of her.

It has been almost three weeks and thanks to my fiancé, family and good friends' support, I am smiling again with little episodes of tears.  I am grateful to have had a long sweet life with one special dog.  Loving a dog is a blessing, but losing one is a true heartbreak.  Although she is no longer physically with me I carry her love around with me and I find it all around through her  memories.